Advice and Help During the Breakup of Your Relationship


negative emotions

By the author of How to Get Over a Breakup.


Self-focused people are depressed people. They are too internal, too self-centered. They self-medicate their inner pain with drugs and alcohol and reckless behavior. They think, "me-me-me; miserable me! So victimized, so unfair, so picked on, so cursed." And they refuse to see outside of themselves and their self-imposed prison of pain. They fall deeper and deeper into the 'poor-me' abyss. They drag their wooden cross and heavy bag-of-wounds around with them everywhere they go.


And it weighs them down.


But, truth is, all they need to do is to stop focusing on themselves and stop wallowing in their negative emotions. And it's really quite simple to do: They just need to look outward! They need to focus outside of themselves for a change, instead of delving deeper inward, wallowing in their pain, internalizing their thoughts, and drowning in their own misery. They need to start giving of themselves to other interests, start doing for others, start noticing the beauty of a flower, or the smell after a spring rain.


They need to take an interest in a charity or rally for a cause; to give themselves to a purpose; help another; save an endangered species; rescue a dog or volunteer at a shelter or a hospital. Read to the elderly, or just sit with them and watch a movie or TV show.


They need to go birdwatching or fly a kite.


They need to take an interest in their country, their government, or their town and its history.


They need to read a book, paint a picture, knit a blanket, sew a quilt, make a throw pillow, grow a vegetable garden, raise a rose bush, refurbish an antique, invent a new board game, take up photography, visit a museum, or just plain do a jigsaw puzzle. They need to focus on a world OUTSIDE of them, a world that is just waiting for them to get 'over themselves', step down from their self-imposed pity-pot, quit confirming their victim status, and look outside of themselves. Accept their life, both good and bad. Let go of their anger over feeling 'not-in-control' or ‘wronged’, and just let go and let it be. Get a hobby, raise tropical fish, decorate their bathroom, do some word puzzles, take dance lessons, enroll in an art class or yoga or Pilates, learn a new language, join a bowling league, create a colorful rock garden, join a church group, take tennis lessons, learn a musical instrument, or just go fishing.


They need to LISTEN to people, I mean really listen to them. Make others their focus, and take the focus off of themselves. In doing this they will see their depression lift and dissolve into nothingness.


If you are fighting depression, get out of yourself. Do anything other than 'you'. You have to relearn how you think. By focusing your thoughts outwards instead of always inwards (back to yourself), you will find happiness – because happiness isn't something you get, like a prized piece of artwork or a new car – it's something you become when you accept your life, and when you can then finally shift the focus away from ‘you’ and see the world as bigger than you, instead of seeing you as bigger than the world.


Other articles on this site by this author:
How Women Become Bitter
If you want to be lonely, hook up with a narcissist.
When You feel Loneliness in a Relationship


Read my 'Daily Inspirations For Those Recovering from a Narcissist'


To heal from a broken heart, read my ebook, How to Get Over a Breakup.

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