But, They Cheated on Me! Can a Relationship Survive Infidelity and an Affair?
By Tigress Luv, Author of Why Women Cheat
Are affairs more common today than they were when our parents and grandparents were married, or are we just more open, gossipy, or fascinated with sex today then we were then? Are we more influenced today by media sensationalism, faltering morals, baring our all on talk shows, and lowered values demeaning the word 'commitment' and 'love'? Or are we just more 'open' about infidelity?
Have we lost values and morals, and then wail ‘they cheated on me’? Have we blamed ourselves personally, when society is to blame?
Today's society definitely has little to offer in the field of morals and sexual discretion. Just about every show, movie, or commercial you watch are filled with enticing hard bodies scantily clad in clinging, sexy, and revealing fashion. Even music videos have sexual undertones with flesh-revealing stars gyrating seductively to the beat. The subject of sex, and models chosen for their enticing provocative bodies are constantly being forced in our faces via the television in our living rooms, the pages in our magazines, the movies we see, the world wide web, the words to our music, the books we read, and gossip tabloids.
But they cheated on me! Or so we cry. But, was it personal, or was it just about sex? Because, today, it’s mostly about sex…and the pressures we have all around us that continuously influence our sexual urges, desires and drive.
It's all about sex. So can we really blame someone for having an affair after they have been repeatedly teased, tantalized, and titillated? Yes, maybe we haven't given into it ourselves, but did we have the actual opportunity? Did we opt to remain faithful because we wanted to feel like self-righteous martyrs? Because we feared getting caught? We feared disease? We feared getting emotionally attached to our lover? Or are we hypocrites that claim marriage and sex is 'sacred', let we had numerous sexual partners and liaisons before we married? Are we only being moral, because we don't want our partners to cheat back? Or are we faithful because we love and honor our partners? Yes, we want to believe that we love and honor our mates, but is that all there is to our faithfulness? Do we honor our vows? What about religious influences? And why is sex outside a marriage a sin, let sex without marriage is acceptable?
Do we, ourselves, having cheating hearts, yet are we the first to cry out ‘ they cheated on me ‘?
This article is not offered in defense of the cheater. Even in the grandest of temptation, most thinking moral people would say, "No. This is wrong."
Still affairs are sensationalized by the media, by office gossip, by tabloids, by movies, by television, by books, and by music. Often, too, adultery is glorified - just look at the book and movie, The Bridges of Madison County. The whole country stood in fascination and attendance focusing on ex-President Clinton's words. Was it that fascinating? A disgusting little fling, or human error? No matter what our opinion, there we stood, entranced by what transpired. We have become a country, a nation - a world - obsessed with sex. What once was private and sacred has now become publicly exploited and as socially acceptable as shaking hands.
And, too, the examples we see via the media has consistently proven to us that affairs are acceptable and that loving partners forgive. Is this giving the impression to our children that cheating is 'okay'? That if we cheat, we are to be forgiven and abolished of all fault and blame? Or that, if we are cheated upon that we are not 'loving' partners if we don't accept and forgive?
The result? No one is immune from having the surrender to temptation disrupt their lives, or the lives of those they care about.
The subject of this article is to bring to focus that affairs are not just personal, private matters anymore. Infidelity is an issue that society in general, needs to claim. It is an issue based on lower morals and indiscriminate media. It affects all of us, not just a select few.
And can a relationship survive infidelity? I believe so. Of course, it's not easy.
When someone you love and trusted has been unfaithful to you the pain is unbearable … as are all the emotions that run with it: anger, heartbreak, depression, anxiety, doubts, fear, insecurities, and a crushed ego. Add to this those torturing feelings of a loss of faith and trust in your partner and one can feel physically sick. Can a relationship survive infidelity and all the pain that comes with it?
And, perhaps, the worst is what you do to yourself after you find out about the affair. Like playing those 'love-scenes' in your head of your mate and their lover together don't help much, either. But sometimes we just can’t make those thoughts stop! Getting over these emotions, healing, learning to trust again, finding forgiveness and understanding, and rebuilding your relationship - all take time. It takes the conscious decision to save your relationship. It takes the courage to let go and learn to trust again. It takes the stamina of determination, and the strength of the commitment you have to your relationship. It also takes two.
Yes, I believe a relationship can survive infidelity and a relationship can survive an affair. But both partners have to be willing to work at repairing the damage done to the relationship and to rebuilding a relationship based on commitment, forgiveness, and trust. And, yes, this is especially hard for the one who has been cheated on. However, both parties may experience the same painful feelings: shame, guilt, blame, anger, disappointment, rage, embarrassment, resentment, denial, and mistrust.
I hope that within these pages here at breakups you find hope, understanding, and the strength to do what you feel is best in your life - whether it be staying and working through it, or leaving and moving on. Ultimately the choice is yours.
For more information on women's infidelity, please read my report on the reasons why women cheat. Learning why women cheat is your best defense against becoming a victim of cheating.
And, BTW, you may always try to break up your partner's affair or relationship with the other person and get them to come back to you, too. There's nothing wrong with going after what you want -- especially when it was yours to begin with. You can learn more about breaking them up and getting him or to come back to you at How to Break Up A Couple.
If you feel like your partner isn't attracted to you anymore, you can click here to read how to win back their attraction and make them attracted to you again..
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