Advice and Help During the Breakup of Your Relationship

How to Fall Out Of Love After a Breakup


still love

When We Can't Stop Loving Our Ex
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru

 

"But, I still love him!"

"But, I Still love her!"

 

If you have ever been broken hearted, you know the pain that heartbreak can bring. Unfortunately, many of us make the pain even worse by trying to force ourselves to fall out of love with our ex-partners.


One of the biggest mistakes people can make after a breakup is to feel like they are supposed to stop being in love with their ex. Sadly, the more you try to fall out of love with someone, the more you will feel that you are in love with them.

 

The secret is to allow you to love them! Just because you have broken up with someone does not constitute some kind of magic ability to control your feelings toward him or her. If you love them, then go ahead and keep right on loving them! Forcing yourself to unlove someone that you love is about as impossible as forcing yourself to love someone that you do not love.

 

"But, I still love him!"

"But, I Still love her!"

 

Allow yourself to feel the love you have for your ex in your heart, allow the memories and good feelings to flow freely if you want...however, while you may love them with your heart, and hold fond memories of them, you must also think with your brain. Think that, while you do love them, the relationship is over and it will never work out. Feel free to feel the love you have for them in your heart, but accept the fact that it is over, too, with your thinking brain.

 

You can – and perhaps you will – love him or her for the rest of eternity if you would like. There is NO reason to think that you have to magically 'fall out of love' with him or her. However, do not forget that you have to go through a grieving process. And that process begins with your brain; it begins with acknowledging and accepting that the relationship is over. This is the key factor to getting past the grief and to a comfortable point where our hearts are open to allow a new love to re-enter our lives.

 

When someone we love dies, we do not try to stop loving him or her! We keep right on loving them, we keep right on cherishing the memories…yet we acknowledge that their time with us, and our time with them, is over.

 

"But, I still love him!"

"But, I Still love her!"

 

But, of course, we still love them. This is because we cannot just 'will' our heart to not love someone any more than we can will our heart not to beat. It just is not possible! What is possible, however, is to 'allow' ourselves to fall out of love. If the relationship is over then stop fighting the end of it and start learning how to accept it – by doing that you give your heart permission to stop loving your ex if it wants to, but you do not try to force this on yourself.

 

To give permission to your heart to stop loving your ex is hard - it means admitting to ourselves that the relationship is over, and that we will be okay - no matter what. To allow your heart to fall out of love means to open it back up and 'allow' others in. You can speed up this process by either getting rid of anything that reminds you of your ex, or by packing it all away – and out of sight.

 

Too often we feel that as long as we keep obsessing over our lost loved ones, or lost relationships, we will be keeping that person or that relationship alive and with us. But are we really? We may feel that if we stop thinking of them then they will be gone to us forever, but are they not gone to us forever, anyway? By clinging to the love you are not keeping the relationship alive - like your mind has tried to so convincingly deceive you into believing - all you are doing is keeping the grief alive.

 

Get new interests, change something about yourself or your life that you were dissatisfied with, find new hobbies, join clubs or groups and make new friends. This is a time of rebirth for you - a second chance at life - so go for it with all the gusto that you possibly can!

NOTE: Leaving a narcissist creates its own special set of emotional difficulties. To read up about narcissists and why it is so difficult to let go of a relationship with a narcissist, please visit Breaking Up With Your Narcissist...

 

AFTERSHOCK: The Magazine for Moving On From a Narcissist. Read the magazine online now....totally 100% FREE!

 

Continue on to mend your broken heart or save your relationship.


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