REJECTION FROM PARTNERS WITH NARCISSISM OR OTHER PERSONALITY DISORDERS OR 'ISSUES'
By Tigress Luv, http://tigressluv.com, author of 'Counterfeit Heart', Scammed by Love, and 'Daily Inspirations for Those Recovering from a Narcissist'
When we are rejected from someone we care
about - especially if that someone has 'issues', faults, flaws, or
personality disorders, we tend to take the rejection especially hard.
I think what really tears us apart is the blow that this rejection leaves on our ego. We tend to subconsciously value ourselves through our partner's 'acceptance' or 'non-acceptance' of us. So, if he or she rejected us for another, we take it personally - believing that somehow we, ourselves, are flawed. It is hard for us to understand that their rejection of us has NOTHING to do with our value as a human being. He/She is not the judge of mankind, so take that title away from them!
When people have personality flaws they tend to be a little 'off' in
their way of thinking. Unfortunately, since we are not 'off' in our way
of thinking we tend to believe that everybody else thinks as rationally
as we, ourselves, do. When this happens we try to place sane reasons
and actions to people who have 'issues'. We then -- as 'normal
thinking' people -- start to question ourselves, our value, and our
own worthiness. We don't understand that it's their perspective
of us that is askew and not us, per se.
REMEMBER that there is no making rational sense out of the actions and thoughts of an irrational man or woman -- in other words, there is no trying to make sense of the senseless. It just isn't going to happen!
You must please stop trying to place a meaning to his or her madness...as there really isn't any. You can't explain away the actions of those who are 'out of kilter' in their thought process and you certainly shouldn't take it as a real or personal rejection.
Especially when breaking up with a narcissist.
Narcissists tend to leave relationships totally unscathed and quickly move on to a new relationship -- showing an instant and extreme happiness with their new life and partner. We tend to react to this 'new happiness' of theirs as a sign that we were somehow 'flawed' and unlovable. Unfortunately, what we are actually doing is 'reacting' to his or her new-found happiness by stealing away our very own. We become super unhappy that they could so easily walk away from us and are so unmoved and untouched by the experience. What we fail to see is that their new happiness will be short-lived -- it's a temporary 'narcissistic supply' and it will leave them feeling good for a while, but it won't leave them feeling 'normal' ever. The narcissist simply cannot love -- anybody.
When breaking up with a narcissist, a man may feel the intense grief of having to let-go of her and let her fend for herself. With these men, a need to protect his ex-girlfriend, or rescue her, is an over-powering emotion -- and one he cannot easily shake off. Although she has rejected him, he still feels the need to look out for her happiness, safety, care and well-being.
On the other hand, women, especially, become more attached to men with psychological disorders. I think that one reason women become so attached to the man with psychological disorders, or why they grieve so much after leaving him, is their intense need to 'fix' a man, and their need to have this man just ONE TIME accept them and love them in a normal and gentle (stable) way. They probably have never received this from him (except in the fake, 'love-bombing' stage), and to have never received this must have been very damaging to their sense of self-worth. Many women subconsciously place their own value on their ability to 'fix' a man, or to 'prepare him' for the nest. It is an ingrained, deep-seated instinct in women to 'ready a man' (make him the best he can be) and a home (prepare the nest for a happy and safe environment) for raising offspring.
women were (and still are) starving for their partner's love, and their
egos and pride feel bruised by the fact that they were not 'special'
enough to cure all his delusions and bring him to his 'senses'. As women, they may
feel 'less than', or they may feel like they are lacking in attraction and power.
Because women tend to value themselves through the happiness of their partners and their family (men tend to value themselves through their career and their accomplishments), they more strongly attach to a man with personality issues because they want so badly to be accepted, loved and appreciated by him, and to see that they have made him happy.
Rejection from a Partner with a Personality Disorder: Inspiration, Poem or Quote:
"In my last relationship I realized that my partner was self-centered, self-serving, arrogant, ignorant, unfaithful, hypercritical, abusive, an under-achiever, and an alcoholic. I was devastated when he broke up with me." ~ Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru
"We find the unstable man exciting, the unreliable man challenging, the unpredictable man romantic, the immature man charming, the moody man mysterious. The angry man needs our understanding. The unhappy man needs our comforting. The inadequate man needs our encouragement, and the cold man needs our warmth. But we cannot "fix" a man who is fine just as he is." ~ Robin Norwood
The narcissist experience may haunt you for a long time. It may interrupt your daily life and activities, and invade you at any unforseen moment. You can get 100 facts, tips, and encouragements to help you understand and recover from the narcissist here. For more help in recovering please read my Daily Breakup Inspirations for those Recovering from a Narcissist or read the 4-ebook set on narcissism at Breaking Up With Your Narcissist.