How to Get Over a Long-Term Relationship
By Evie Gray
Whether you ended it or your partner did, coming out of any relationship can be painful and stressful. Moving on from a long-term relationship can be especially tough, as you need to give yourself more time to mourn the relationship and readjust to your new life. But the sooner you can rediscover yourself as an individual and start enjoying your life again, the healthier and better you will feel. Below are some tips on how to get over a break-up of a long-term relationship.
*Don't contact your ex
This may seem a bit harsh, but seeing your ex is only likely to bring up all the negative emotions and feelings you had whilst the relationship was ending, and set you back in trying to get over the break-up. If you have to see your ex because of financial or family reasons, treat any meetings like business. Meet on neutral ground and try and stay focused on the topic in hand rather than going over the reasons you broke up. In time it may be that you and your ex can be friends, but it's important to put distance between your old relationship and your new friendship so that you are both clear about the nature of your relationship. You can’t get over a break-up if you never begin one!
*Re-discover YOU as an individual
This may be somewhat difficult to do if you are trying to get over a long-term relationship. Try and remember all the things you used to do when you were single or before you met your ex. Rediscover old hobbies, meet with friends or simply spend some time on your own, remembering all the benefits of being single! If you and your ex-partner had a lengthy period of arguing before you broke up, it could be beneficial to enjoy the peace and sense of empowerment that comes from making all your own decisions again. This is also a good time to do something your ex perhaps didn't approve of or something you wouldn't have done as part of a couple, such as get a dramatic haircut, go traveling or change your job.
*Meet new people and old friends
Being newly single is an excellent time to catch up with friends, who can often get a bit neglected when you're in a long-term relationship. Going for dinner, to the movies, or even just getting a coffee can all be an excellent opportunity for you to share your feelings with friends, take your mind off your ex and have fun! Getting over a break-up is much easier to do when you move in a forward position. Moping at home alone is the worst way to try to get over someone. If you find that lots of your friends are coupled up or very busy, make some new ones! Join clubs or societies, find a new hobby or even go on a singles' holiday.
*Don't just remember the good bits
It's easy to look back at a long relationship and see it through rose-tinted glasses. But focusing only on the good things in the partnership will just make you yearn for a perfect ideal of the relationship that doesn't really exist. Although it's hard, when you find yourself feeling lonely and reminiscing about the past, don't forget about the bad parts. Remembering how you used to argue or how you didn't listen to each other won't be easy, but it'll make you feel a lot better about your single self.
*Don't jump straight into another relationship
When you're lonely it can be really easy to jump straight into another relationship, the new person seeming to fill the gap your ex left in your life. However, 'rebound' relationships are rarely successful, and often buried feelings rise to the surface and cause real problems. You need to give yourself time to grieve your relationship and re-establish a sense of yourself as an individual before you commit to another person.
* Stay in the correct timezone
The best advice for getting over the break-up of a long-term relationship is to remember to always be moving forward. Don’t sit around reminiscing about the good old days or living your life in reverse. Make sure that you think ‘today, tomorrow’ and not ‘yesterday, last week, last month, last year.
When the basic methods for getting over a breakup doesn't work, you may have special issues that are preventing you from true healing. The best advice we've ever read on this subject was found in a report from Tigress Luv, the Breakup Guru. You can find the report at How to Get Over a Breakup.
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