Advice and Help During the Breakup of Your Relationship

What is Narcissistic Abuse: Narcissist Abusers and Their Tactics


attract a narcissist

The Abusing Narcissist and His Punishments!


Narcissistic Rages happen because the narcissist cannot bear to hear the truth about himself. They, too, are a way a narcissist gets 'even' with you for making him face himself or his own imperfections. He often releases his rages *punishments* onto you by any or all of the following abusive tactics:


Emotional: Emotional abuse can be very subtle. Most people are not even aware of it, until the damage is so deep that it often is permanent. In many case, years later the narcissist's victims still feel the bruises on their souls.


Verbal: My ex was the KING of verbal abuse. "Nobody likes you…" "The neighbors hide in their houses when they see you come outside..." "Aren't you embarrassed to wear that in public?"

 

Physical: Self-explanatory! Pushing; shoving; pulling; grabbing; hitting; pinching; tripping; slapping; punching; kicking; elbowing; kneeing; spitting; restraining; scratching; and biting. Even rape.

 

Financial: Cutting off your money, bank access, or your freedom and ability to work. Withholding paychecks, both yours and his, or putting you on an allowance. Hiding assets, bank accounts, savings accounts, safe deposit boxes, property, boats, valuables, etc.

Psychological: Who else but a narcissist can turn your own, personal grievance -- or your need for support or understanding -- into them being 'victimized'... and do it so well that you don't even notice it happening? Have you ever gone to a narcissist with a problem, or the need for love, comfort or support, only to have them become defensive and offensive as if you were attacking THEM and you were being aggressive? Do they tell you things are 'all in your head' or that you 'imagine things'? Do you feel confused most of the time?

 

Bullying: Talking in a loud, overpowering voice; slamming doors; towering over you; threatening your pets; breaking your stuff; constantly moving into your personal 'space'; dares; ultimatums; or even controlling with subtle or passive aggression. Removing your mode of transportation or removing you from the support of family or friends. Hiding medications or threatening to throw them out.

 

Stalking: Following you, reading your texts, hacking into your email accounts and social media pages (such as FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, etc.), bombarding your phone with calls and/or messages, threatening or fraternizing with your friends, 'befriending' your family, sitting outside your place of work, driving by your home, showing up at the same club you're at…all signs of stalking.

 

Sexual: Withholding sex, or demanding sex.

 

Withholding Affection: Unaffectionate, disassociating and disrespecting. Not gentle, not kind. Doesn't refer to you by loving 'pet names'. Doesn't show affection with hugs, gentle squeezes, soft kisses, or simple loving gestures like brushing your hair out of your eyes; or he is cold, distant, or rigid and unyielding to you. Neglectful, disregarding and indifferent. (Note: Just the OPPOSITE of these behaviors may occur in public or in front of people outside of the home.)

 

Desertion and Abandonment: Walks out on you, the children, the bills, his job, his lifestyle. Often times a narcissist can start a new life and identity with a new lover with a complete and total disregard to the spouse, his family, and the responsibilities he leaves behind. It is as if they never happened. While he leaves the previous mate behind to mop off his stage, he is alarmingly capable of starting a new life all over again without a second look back at the destruction he leaves in the wake of his old one. There is no emotion nor remorse for the responsibilities he dumped on his family.

 

Wounded narcissists will often revert to any or all of the following punishments:
1. withholding (time, money, assets, affection, children, friends, food, medicines, vehicles, home, bank accounts, insurance…etc.)
2. Ostracizing (silent treatment, slighting, ignoring, not making eye contact, snubbing, rejecting, apathy)
3. sulking and pouting
4. countering
5. discounting/devaluing
6. dismissing
7. verbal abuse presented as a "joke" (sometimes blatant, sometimes not as obvious …)
8. blocking
9. diverting
10. accusing and blaming
11. judging and criticizing
12. trivializing (minimizing)
13. name calling
14. forgetting
15. revising
16. ordering
17. manipulating
18. denial
19. explosive outrage, abusive and/or extreme anger
20. echoing (co-opting the victim's complaint)
21. humiliation
22. volume/tone of voice (hi/low, condescending, mocking)
23+. Contempt: disdain, disrespect, repugnance, aversion, shaming,  condescension, mockery, ridicule, despisement, disregard, hatred, malice, scorn

 

So, what is narcissistic abuse? The above pretty much describes the life of someone who is involved with a narcissist. For more help with a narcissist, or for help in healing from your life with the narcissist, please check out our sister site, Breaking Up With Your Narcissist. You will find a link to more articles near the bottom of the page.


BACK TO:
Advice on Breakups

OR GO TO:

Relationship Insight
When Things Go Wrong