Narcissists ruin lives. Narcissists ruin relationships. Narcissists will ruin you.
Narcissists destroy lives. Narcissists destroy families. Narcissists destroy relationships. Narcissists will destroy you.
By Tigress Luv, The Breakup Guru and Author of The Counterfeit Heart
It takes a very amazing and impressive process to become a butterfly. You start out crawling and then under just the right conditions you metamorphose into a protected cocoon, eventually blossoming into a beautiful, gossamer-winged creature with a uniqueness all of your own. It's an amazing transformation, a miracle of nature. A wonder to behold.
When you entered into a relationship with the narcissist, you were as an exquisite butterfly – unique, free and magnificent to behold! You had spent all those years of your life 'pre-narcissist' evolving into the delightful, beautiful being you were on that fateful day.
Unfortunately, the narcissist is a parasite. Narcissists ruin lives. Narcissists fake entire relationships. Moreover, the narcissist will destroy you. Ah, if only you had known.
The narcissist will eat away at your wings, syphon off your brilliant color, and dredge your glory in immobilizing sticky, weeping tar. And he or she will not stop until they have made sure that you have been diminished back to the worm stage. That's this parasite's job – to feed off your beauty.
Like a leech, the narcissist sucks your soul dry.
But, first, the narcissist must cultivate your wings. So he or she becomes an attracting flower, charming the socks off you. You start out a happy, normal person going in; you are as a stunning solitaire, a glorious butterfly. And you blossom even more under their spell. You are receptive, flattered, impressed, and giddy with newfound love. This love-bombing in the beginning is the narcissist's metaphorical butterfly-net. He or she has trapped you with it. You have now become this pathogen's new 'host'.
And host they will. By the end of the relationship, you are beyond drained dry. You are wounded, offended, defensive, disoriented, despondent, hollow, void, cast away, embarrassed, degraded, belittled, self-hating, discarded, devalued, angry, depressed, defeated and confused. And you self-blame … I mean, here was this wonderful person when you first met him or her, and now just look at how they have changed because of 'you'. Horrible, hideous, seemingly irrecoverable you. Your beautiful wings have wilted under the pressure of both your self-blame and the narcissist.
What you don't recognize is that you have slowly been desensitized to you; your whole focus becoming entirely centered on the narcissist. Held captive by projection, gaslighting and love-bombing; the narcissist has now become your psychological master. You live to make him or her happy, to keep the peace, and to bring back that wonderful love-bombing man or woman that you have been falsely led to believe you have destroyed – that magnificent man or woman that you fell in love with. You become their emotional slave; kept alive by the bone they occasionally throw you – a half-hearted compliment, a dying flower, a measly "good dinner tonight" begrudgingly uttered observation or praise.
Every move you make you first decide how it will affect him or her. Will they be angry? Will they be pleased? Will they be embarrassed? Will they be happy with you? Will he or she disapprove? Will you be ridiculed or shamed? Will you look crazy, as they claim you are? To you, there is nothing more important than the narcissist's opinions. You put him or her above everything else – even above your family; your friends; your pets; your job; your freedom; your well-being. Nothing and nobody outside of the narcissist holds any importance in your life anymore. You are their slave, their puppet … a contraption of which they pilot.
They knock you down emotionally and then kick you once there to make sure there's no life left inside of you. When you finally have no fight left in you – when all sane rationality has been sent to the wayside – and when their egos grow to superior sizes over their perceived power over you – that's when they depart. On you, they have been fed – and fed well – from the very start to the very finish. Like a parasite, they now move on to a new host.
But first they must punish you! They will ruin your credit, hire crooked lawyers, create vicious rumors, alienate your own children, file fake police reports, bring in the church, make others question your sanity, turn friends and family against you...and flaunt in your face every new victim they sucker into their web of parasitic deceit.
If they feel they haven't reached that total supremeness over you yet – or if they feel they can still feed off you – they will stalk you, hunt you down and continue leeching on you. If you make this difficult for them, they will smear your name, jeopardize your job, bomb your car, ruin your credit, use the children as bait, or whatever else it takes to 'punish' you for rejecting their efforts at gaining (or 'winning') complete control over you. Narcissistic parasites are very poor losers.
You started out as a butterfly, but the narcissist clipped your beautiful wings – and so you wrapped yourself up in a protective cocoon, trying to shield yourself from the harsh, narcissistic environment. From there the only thing left for you to do was to slither out of your shell and squirm away as a worm, dragging your discarded self along, creeping on your grub belly, writhing in pain.
You really do feel like you will never fly again.
But you will. Wiser and stronger, possibly less trusting and more guarded, but fly you will. Perhaps you may have lost a little piece of your innocence, but you have not lost you. Not by any means!
If you are dating someone right now that you suspect might be a narcissist, my advice is to run. Remember, narcissists ruin lives. Narcissists ruin relationships.
Narcissists will ruin you.
Narcissists destroy lives. Narcissists destroy families. Narcissists destroy relationships.
Narcissists will destroy you.
Read more of our articles on narcissism here.
Read some of our eBooks on narcissism here, including ' Daily Inspirations for Those Recovering from a Narcissist'.
Join our Facebook group, 'Free Yourself from the Narcissist', here, or like our Facebook page, 'Victims of a Counterfeit Heart', here.
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