When you first meet the narcissist, he or she will come onto you with all the charm of a thousand Lotharios. When it comes to winning your heart, no tactic will be omitted nor method not utilized. This is because winning you over is the ultimate food to his or her hungry ego.
However, no stone will be left unturned in their efforts to destroy you once you no longer feed his or her ego.
The narcissist has a very special method of destroying you, too. They resort to Asymmetric Warfare. Asymmetric Warfare is usually only used as an extreme measure in battle. It is ‘dirty fighting’ or ‘hitting below the belt’ … a battle ploy exploding in many diverse directions and fusing together many different types of unconventional methods of assault.
In other words, you will be attacked on all levels: Emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically, financially – the list goes on-and-on. Not only does the narcissist use all their well-honed battle strengths against you, but they also use unconventional tactics and even your own weaknesses to exploit your vulnerabilities, too. In this sense, they even use YOU against you. Meant to cripple the opponent by attacking them from -- and on -- all levels, this type of warfare is often very successful in bringing the enemy down. This includes even war by proxy, whereas the narcissist can actually get others to destroy you for him or her.
With Asymmetric Warfare, the narcissist just picks at you in every which way possible. He or she will bombard you with little psychological hits, each meant to weaken you bit-by-bit until you crumble and fall. Abuse. Gaslighting. Talking behind your back. Insulting and belittling you. Dominating, rage and threatening. Isolation, withdraw and ostracizing. Accusations. Projection. Shaming. Dramatizing your faults or demonizing you. Destroying your self-esteem. Taunting and ridicule. Zeroing-in on your weaknesses, or creating new weaknesses where none had existed before. Passive aggressiveness (come here - go away). Financially crippling you. Destroying your job or career. The children, your family, your pets … even your church – all used as weapons.
With Asymmetric Warfare, the narcissist disarms, undermines and mentally immobilizes you. Narcissist-delivered asymmetric warfare cripples you emotionally, mentally torturing you until you break.
Then – with a smile on his or her face – the narcissist just moves on to a new relationship in a heartbeat. His or her job is done.
They have won.
But you don’t have to lose. If you arm yourself with the knowledge of what they are doing, then you will see the abuse for what it is. Your knowledge is your key defense weapon. Armed with this knowledge you will not be able to take the narcissist personally; you will expect the warfare and, therefore, it will not 'knock you off your feet' when it comes. You take nothing to heart. The narcissist is the one with the issues. The troubled one. Not you. You can even laugh at him and her. The narcissist is no match for you.
Not tomorrow, either.
Yiou may also want to read the article, The Ten Weapons a Raging Narcissist Uses
Read more about living with, loving and leaving a narcissist.
Advice on Breakups
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