Humble Narcissism and the Modest Narcissist: What is a Narcissist’s False Modesty?
By Tigress Luv, author of The Counterfeit Heart: Living with, Loving and Leaving a Narcissist
Have you ever been with a narcissist that seemed ‘modest’? You wonder to yourself, 'is he really a narcissist? I mean, after all, he is actually humbled and embarrassed by praise and adulation’. So, is there such a thing as a modest narcissist?
I will let you in a secret. Humble narcissism, just like everything else the narcissist displays, is a fake and fabricated emotion. He uses this phony emotion to do one of four things…
1) To insure the compliments keep coming
2) To avoid being further scrutinized and risk being found out for the fraud that he is
3) He is fishing for more compliments, or a more detailed compliment. He wants you to elaborate on his greatness
4) It is all part of his charming ‘act’, or part of the overall ‘impression’ he wants to give someone of himself
Overall, his exaggerated display of fake unpretentiousness is sadly all for show. There is not one ounce of modesty, bashfulness, humility, humbleness, or lack of pretension on the ‘modest narcissist’s’ part.
Another thing a narcissist may do – and I have witnessed this myself on many occasion – is to actually cut himself down. He may do this to gain your pity and draw you back to his side. Alternatively, he may do this so as not to draw too much scrutiny to his deception. Why? So that it will not seem like a big deal if (when) he is exposed as a fake, because, after all, HE WARNED YOU (that he wasn’t that great/talented/smart/handsome/successful/etc.,).
Lastly, the narcissist may reproach himself as a way to enjoy the praise that it sure to follow from those who may still be enchanted by him (I call these people his loyal, bamboozled followers).
“Oh, no you’re not lacking talent! I think you are one of the most talented artists I have ever seen!”
“What do you mean you are no good with numbers?! Why you’re a mathematical genius!”
In other words, do not be fooled by the narcissist’s false modesty, by a modest narcissist downplaying of himself, or by his feigned humbleness (also called humble narcissism). He has a hidden agenda behind everything he says and does … and the hidden agenda always goes back to 'what’s in it for HIM'.
Click here to read more of my articles on narcissism or to read my report, 'Breaking Up With Your Narcissist'.
(NOTE: Leaving a narcissist creates its own special set of emotional difficulties. To read up about narcissists and why it is so difficult to let go of a relationship with a narcissist, please visit Breaking Up With Your Narcissist... )
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