When You Feel Loneliness in a Relationship
By Tigress Luv, author of The Breakup Eraser
Do you ever feel loneliness in a relationship?
Are you feeling loneliness in a relationship? Let me first say that loneliness means we do not feel like someone is listening to us, or seeing us, or sensing us. We all feel lonely and sometimes even empty inside when alone, but what causes us to feel loneliness when in a relationship?
Usually it happens because the person we are with does not take a real and active interest in us, in our heart, in our soul, or in our life. It happens when we feel like they cannot really, truly relate to us in an intimate, understanding way.
We end up feeling loneliness in a relationship when we have to go without connections and without love. This simply means that we do not feel our partner actually knows our heart – or wants to know our heart.
Most relationships are successful simply because your partner knows your heart. We do not feel loneliness in the relationship as we feel the relationship creates an intimate and comfortable sharing of each other's soul.
Yet, some partners seem to not be all that into 'you'. They may be polite, or do kind things. They may have sex with you or talk to you about movies you saw together…but they just do not connect to you in an intimate, personal level where you feel they are interested -- truly interested in uniting with your soul. They don't care to share your feelings, your fears, your emotions, your highs and lows, your worries, your pain, your laughter, your joy, your anticipation, your pride, your accomplishments, your everything! In other words, they take no active and special interest in you or your life.
Many times our partner may have issues that prevent them from truly connecting to us this way. For instance, narcissists have a way of loving their partners 'superficially'. They truly do not connect in a deep, soul-connection type of way because, basically, a narcissist does not have empathy or interest in anybody other than himself or herself. Narcissists are usually with people only for as long as that person is in 'worship' of them. However, let the relationship get too comfortable, or find an actual flaw in them, and they are out the door faster than you can catch your breath after the verbal slap in the face. For more information on narcissists read my report on breaking up with a narcissist.
Commitmentphobes, too, may leave their relationship partners feeling loneliness in the relationship. This is because they do not 'commit' to their partners 100% percent. They always leave a little distance and a little 'get out of jail' card between them and their partner. This is because they fear entrapment. To really, truly connect to you all the way requires a 100% commitment from them, something they are just not willing to do. They stop themselves just short of a full interest in you and your life. For more information on why you are attached to a commitmentphobe, or how to get one to make a commitment, you may read my reports on commitment phobia.
Sadly, the case may be –- just plain and simple – that your partner does not love you in 'that way'. It is quite common to feel loneliness in a relationship when you subconsciously feel that your partner loves you, but that they are not in love with you. Not wanting to hawk my reports here, but my report on winning back their attraction teaches you how to make your partner fall back in love with you again, and feel attracted to you once more.
Another cause for you to feel loneliness in your relationship is if your partner has a busy schedule. When they are working ten hours a day, taking care of an ailing parent, volunteering for the children's softball team and taking care of other things, it is quite common for them to just 'nod' your way every now and then and not actually take the time to 'see' you in a loving, sharing or intimate way. It is not that they do not love you, it is just that they do not have the time to appreciate the most important and one constant thing in their life – which is you. They have just become so relaxed in the relationship, and, somehow, appear to even take you for granted. In reality though, they just feel confident in their love for you and your love for them, so they do not feel the pressing need to make you the number one top priority in the day-to-day life.
And lastly, sometimes we just feel loneliness in a relationship because we do not know how to love ourselves. When we live vicariously through our partners we find out that our partners cannot be there 24/7 to breathe life back into our souls. There comes a time in our life when we have to learn to love ourselves and we have to make a commitment to get to know ourselves and enjoy us so much that we can be our own best company.
Sometimes we spend so much time trying to please others, and trying to get to know others, that we neglect to get to know ourselves. We are left feeling empty and lonely – and even alone in a stable, loving and healthy relationship.
It is perfectly okay to get to know yourself, to get to know your likes and dislikes, to come to an understanding of your feelings and fears … and to think that you are the greatest thing to ever have walked this planet. Do not feel uncomfortable finding yourself, or hugging yourself.
You cannot love someone and attach to them in a healthy way if you do not love and know yourself first. So go ahead and hug yourself. Our arms are just long enough to embrace ourselves, so try it. Spend a day with you. Curled up on the couch, or at a spa. Just open up and feel your emotions, and learn whom you are and what you are all about. You just may never feel loneliness in a relationship again.
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