Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner suddenly pulled away without any warning or became distant and avoiding? In one sad heartbeat, the relationship breaks down and you’re left with no clue as to what went wrong.
If this has happened to you, you know how devastating it is to be left with unanswered questions and a broken heart. But, don’t despair … it is still quite possible to get your ex back - even if he or she was the one who pulled away from you or the relationship.
In situations where your partner has suddenly decided to stop calling or contacting you, or he or she keeps making excuses why they can’t see you or why they can’t make another date with you, it’s natural to become worried.
Naturally, you fear that you’re losing your partner, and rightly so. Unfortunately, not knowing what the right thing is to do, you immediately begin calling them more or sending text messages, pressuring them and ‘suffocating’ them with your intrusiveness and your ‘need’. I understand that you are simply trying to get him or her to respond to you and reassure you that all is okay.
Unfortunately, the more you push for contact, the further your new ex is likely to retreat. In an effort to re-establish communication with them, you may actually be harming your chances of getting back together with your ex. If you want to know how to get your ex back, follow the advice below. More accurate and specific advice is available at The Breakup Eraser -- because not all exes will easily fall for the methods listed here.
Here are some simple tips to get your new ex to come back to you, even if he or she has pulled away.
Your ex is NOT in a coma! They know full well that you’ve been calling, texting or emailing them regularly and they simply have been avoiding returning your messages. If you stop contacting him or her for a few days, they’ll suddenly wonder what’s wrong…did you give up on them?…did you move on?…did you realize you could do better?
Sometimes people will pull away emotionally and avoid contact simply because they feel as though they’re losing a part of themselves while they’re in a relationship. Men are especially guilty of this! They usually just need a bit of time to re-establish their own independence and individuality; many men will come right back to you once they realize that you really aren’t sucking the life out of them! J
However, if you continue to push him or her for more contact or beg them to come back to you, then you’re not giving them a chance to miss you or to feel what his or her life is like without you in it. Give them that opportunity for a few days. Let them feel your absence!
Think about how you were when the two of you first met. You would have been fun, bubbly, happy, and excited to see him or her each time you dated. You men would have been dashing and charming, and you ladies agreeable and easy to please. Jealousies and insecurities would not have entered into the relationship at this early stage. Now consider the last few times you spent time together. Were you both enjoying each other’s company? Were you putting your best foot forward?
Or were you unpleasant, complaining, needy, nagging, raging, accusing, belittling, boring, arguing or begging him or her to come back to you or to give you more of their time?
Sometimes people will view a relationship as becoming too difficult when it’s no longer as fun to be in as it once was. All men love to be around women who make their lives better than it was before them. And all women love to be around men that make them feel safe, cherished and wanted. If they suddenly find their life is too difficult with you in it, or that they are on the ‘begging-end’ of a relationship, they may pull away believing that their life will become easier without you in it.
This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, but it does mean that you may need to think of another way to discuss certain things that don’t involve arguing, crying or otherwise making you both unhappy.
When you’ve gone through a break-up, you might be tempted to sit at home and avoid going out. Rejection can play horrible tricks on our self-esteem. While you might think getting out of the house is the last thing you may want to do, force yourself to make time to go out with some of your friends. Get dressed up in a nice outfit that makes you feel good about yourself, treat yourself to a hair cut or style and go out on the town.
This step won’t necessarily get your ex back on its own, but it will help to boost your own self-esteem and give you a chance to hang out with people who care about you. The plus side of this is that raising your self-esteem is a great way to make it easier for your ex to recognize the happy-version of you that he or she fell in love with when you first met.
Once you’ve spent a bit of time re-discovering your old self and perfecting your happy smile - all while allowing them some time to feel your ‘absence’ - it’s time to make a careful suggestion that you and your ex catch up over a coffee for a chat. At first, he or she might be a little reluctant to meet with you, as they may be thinking that you’re just going to cry and beg them to come back to you. This can be an upsetting thought for many exes, as they’ll understand that the breakup was their doing and therefore it’s also their fault that you’re unhappy, so you must be careful to be as casual, upbeat and cheery as possible – not mentioning the breakup or the relationship at all. Remember the ‘K.I.S.S.’ tactic! KISS = Keep It Simple, Stupid!
So, when you do contact him or her, suggest a casual, public place to meet. This will let them know right away that it’s NOT going to be a stressful meeting (as you’re less likely to argue or make a scene in public) and so they’ll be more likely to accept.
When you get to your date, make a point of being happy and bubbly and to carry on casual and friendly conversations about nothing in particular. Talk about work, talk about hobbies or interests, ask about his or her recent activities, and avoid talking about the relationship at this point. K.I.S.S.
You should find that if you’ve followed these steps to get your ex back, they’ll soon be sitting opposite you in a public place looking at the happy, fun person they fell in love with. This can usually be the nudge they may need to realize exactly what it was about you they fell in love with, and why they want you back in their life once again.
A SPECIAL HEARTFELT THANK YOU JUST FOR MY FRIENDS WHO HAVE JOINED ME AT OUR BROKENHEART COMMUNITY! If you would like to join us, too, and learn ways to get back together or get over a breakup, you are more than welcome to join our little family! Please go to http://liftedhearts.com, The Breakup Support Community . Hope to see you there!
Advice on Breakups
OR GO TO: