The feeling of being rejected is possibly the worst emotion I have ever experienced. Of course, everyone is rejected in one way or another at some time in their life be it for a job, a mortgage or a loan. However, rejection in love is unlike anything else.
My most poignant experience of rejection was in regards to a guy I had an on and off relationship with for three years. It began when we were seventeen. We travelled to and from college together everyday and gradually became closer and more flirtatious. We used to talk every evening online for hours and text each other constantly. I had never felt such a connection to someone. We never ran out of things to talk about, and I quickly became attached to him.
Some weeks later, without explanation, he became cold and distant. I confronted him and said I felt like I had been led on. He said that his friends had been making comments about us and listed a number of ridiculous reasons why things wouldn’t work between us. That should have been where it ended. I was hurt by this first rejection, particularly because all the signs had been pointing to things between us going in the right direction. I still thought that things should have ended up differently, but I soon moved on although I was never really over him.
Some months later, after a short relationship with somebody else had come to an end, my attentions turned back to him. I hadn’t spoken to him very much during my relationship with this other person. He didn’t seem very enthusiastic to talk about it, and I felt it best to keep my distance. We soon became flirtatious again, but he said that he didn’t want to provoke anything while I was ‘on the rebound’. Nevertheless, we started to see more of each other and our relationship became more physical. He would be so sweet to me in private, and seemed to be as into it as I was, but in public it was a different story.
This half-rejection, which continued throughout our relationship, was like psychological torture. It caused my self-confidence to drop, for me to become more paranoid about what he was saying behind my back and more clingy when he was with me. Unfortunately, none of these qualities are very attractive. Whenever the subject of officially being together came up he would say he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I accepted this, although I was not happy with it. However, at the beginning of the next year he announced that he had met someone else and wanted to give it a go with her. I felt completely used, betrayed and lied to. Being rejected for someone else caused a huge knock to my confidence. Inevitably, I couldn’t stop wondering what was wrong with me and why he had chosen her.
Their relationship only lasted a few months, and things between us started up once again. It was around this time that I really began falling in love and was convinced that the universe wanted us together. In hindsight I was foolish to go back considering he had already hurt me twice in the past, but people in love do foolish things. While our physical relationship progressed, our friendship seemed to diminish. We began arguing more and didn’t speak with the same ease as we used to. I felt that he treated me like a toy, picking me up and putting me down whenever he felt like it. I was constantly bombarded with mixed messages, as he was always saying one thing but doing another. I was desperate for things to work out how they should have when it all first started. The relationship became a true emotional rollercoaster, and in the summer we agreed (although I didn’t want to) to end the relationship for both our sakes. We agreed to stay friends and had an incredibly emotional last meeting. I cried for the duration of this. I was heartbroken then and didn’t really stop crying for at least a week. However, the final blow was still to come.
We continued to speak as friends, although the conversations were always hit or miss, and the past was constantly lingering in the air. Eight months after what was supposed to be our last meeting we started to see each other for the fourth time. This continued for five months. In this time he had instigated a lot of our meetings and conversations. He finally seemed to be accepting the universe’s wish for us to be together. I had lost two stone in weight since our last ending had left me heartbroken and feeling worthless, and I finally felt more confident and in control. Unfortunately, our story did not have a happy ending. He returned to his old tricks of making rude comments and becoming distant and cold practically over night. By this time I knew the pattern all too well, and I knew it was over. Eventually he confessed that he had met someone else and may want to start a relationship with her. In a misguided bid to make me feel better he confessed, “I really was considering us this time.” This pushed me over the edge. I was so angry. Was I meant to be thankful that he considered me? How dare he use me and leave me for someone else yet again?
I made the decision to end things once and for all. I admitted that I didn’t think I would be able to move on while he was in my life, and said that I didn’t want to speak to or see him anymore. He was shocked, but didn’t make any effort to change my mind. This angered me more and confirmed I was making the right decision. Choosing to let the person that I loved walk out of my life was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but it was this that allowed me to regain control of my life. This was how I overcame the rejection delivered by him, by reclaiming power. If I’m honest, I don’t know if I’ll ever completely be over him. However, now I truly believe he was a fool for letting me go. I soon got in to a new relationship, which sadly only lasted a few months due to personal differences. However, it proved to me what I needed to know. I could be in a relationship with someone else and someone else wanted to be in a relationship with me.
For special circumstances with getting over the rejection caused by a breakup visit our report How to get Over a Breakup, and for the best advice on getting your ex back, we highly recommend The Breakup Eraser, written by the Breakup Guru.
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