Getting Dumped Advice: Getting Dumped Hurts So Much!
By Tigress Luv, author of The Breakup Eraser
Truth is, getting dumped hurts so much. We lose pride. We lose self-esteem. We lose the one we love.
But the biggest one of the hurts we feel is the loss of our self-esteem. Once we lose that we lose confidence in ourselves. This effects our everyday actions from how we interact with the opposite sex to how we do our work performance on our job. We feel a tsunami of rejection bring us to our knees, sucking the life out of us. We may start to feel hate towards ourselves and we may get caught in a mode of self-destruction. We create negative emotions and intense feelings of rejection, isolation, on top of the profound loss of love, acceptance, and control.
What many are not aware of is that when we get dumped it creates a grief that is far more intense than the loss of love through death. With death, the person who has died has not consciously made the decision to withdraw their love for you. They did not choose to leave you. With the death of a loved one, you get a sense of closure and finalization. You get sympathy and understanding... you get support. Death has no possibilities of changing its mind! However, when you are dumped the person who has 'dumped' you has made the conscious choice to withdraw their love from you and to abandon and desert you. They have rejected you, turned their back to you, and, often times, moved on to someone else. Moreover, for the most part, if they have chosen to abandon you, that makes you feel like there must be something wrong with you.
Getting dumped hurts so much – in fact, it hurts like hell. It sneaks up and sucker-punches the very air out of us and leaves us feeling alone, lost, and hopeless. We lose our very selves when the person we love makes the conscious decision to leave us. Getting dumped advice will always tell you that you will get through it with time, but how long do you have to feel this way; how long do you have to hurt so much?
That depends on you.
The grief and hurt one feels at being abandoned can quickly progress to extreme sadness, self-doubt, insecurity, and fear. As we said, abandonment drains our self-esteem. This loss of self-esteem can lead to bouts of depression, unhealthy addictions, compulsions, and even uncontrollable anxiety or panic attacks. In extreme cases, some are even left with thoughts of suicide. If the pain and hurt is left unresolved, abandonment can interfere with - or even prevent - any healthy relationships in the future.
Need more getting dumped advice? We can tell you that, yes, getting dumped hurts so much, and can damage your future relationships if you do not deal with it realistically and with your head and common sense, instead of emotionally and with your pride and heart. When you deal with it from your heart and pride, you get in a downward cycle of abandonment. Once in this cycle, we will often find ourselves abandoned repeatedly, as we close off our heart and become blocked from fully connecting to others, or we struggle with extreme-attachment issues for fear of being abandoned again.
Unfortunately, we may even accept abuse and infidelity, just to avoid feelings of abandonment or fear of being alone. Sometimes we remain in a panic-like state of obsessiveness and hyper-vigilance towards our abandoner, or inner focused on our own pain and hurt. We often carry with us feelings of being deserted, needy, and demoralized. Eventually, our lack of self-control makes us feel like a victim within our own creation, causing self-hatred, harm, or injury.
Getting dumped hurts so much but curing the grief that surrounds you is to find happiness within you. Sounds impossible, but it is not. It is not only very possible; it has been there all along. If it had not been you would have curled up in a ball at the foot of the one who left you, and died. And, yes, you might have felt that way, but did you do it? No! Because you still know, buried deep inside of you, that your ex was not the be-all to your life. And how do I know that? Because you are here, reading this, looking for answers to your pain. Searching for help to mend your abandoned self! You have the courage and the desire to 'continue on'. You believe in you, you have faith in life, and you are aware of your capacity to love again. A new and better life is not only possible, not only probable, but a plain and simple fact.
However, right now, all you know is that getting dumped hurts so much, and, well, you just hurt beyond hurt. And you hurt bad. And you want to go away.
Advice on Breakups
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