If you want to get back with your ex, you are obviously looking forward to a long and delicate process.
Healing your past problems is going to take a lot of time and work. But there has to be a first step before any of this can happen. That first step is meeting with your ex. This meeting will make or break your chances of rekindling your relationship, so you need to think it through carefully.
Mentally Prepare Yourself
Before you do anything you need to make sure that you are in the right state of mind to sit down and talk with your ex. If you are still harboring anger over your breakup or you feel like you are going to cry just thinking about the other person, you are not ready for a heart-to-heart. Let go of past emotions and problems, leaving them where they belong – in the past.
Once you can release your own unresolved feelings regarding your ex and your past relationship, you will be able to have a productive and positive meeting with them. In order to get back with your ex you must show them how mature and in control of yourself you are.
Choose Your Location Wisely
Where you have your meeting needs serious consideration. It needs to be a pleasant atmosphere that is public but not overly noisy. Both of you need to be comfortable with your surroundings and somewhere very private is a poor choice for this. Your ex may feel like you are trying to instigate something more intimate with this meeting.
But you also shouldn’t pick somewhere that was prominent in your relationship. The coffee-shop you went to together every Saturday or the park where you shared your first kiss are not good places. They will incite too many feelings, and your ex may accuse you of trying to leverage their emotions against them.
Put yourself in your ex’s shoes, and find a location that is comfortable and as neutral as possible.
Think Over What You Plan to Say
The last thing you want is to get to this meeting and not know what you want to say or how to begin. Honestly, you may even want to write yourself some notes. Some people think it would be embarrassing to be referring to notes during a meeting like this, but it is more embarrassing – not to mention disappointing – to get nervous once you’re face-to-face with your ex and forget everything you carefully went over.
Having notes may even impress your ex because you obviously put a lot of thought into what you want to tell them. Showing them that you are serious about your relationship will really help you get back with your ex.
Make the Meeting Count
Try to find a balance between addressing important issues in your relationship and overwhelming your ex. You don’t want them to feel like you are throwing too much at them at once, such as plans like moving back in together. At the same time you don’t want the whole meeting to be filled with “fluff” or they will walk away feeling like you wasted their time.
Addressing some of the key issues of why you broke up and what you feel can be done to avoid the same things happening again is a good start. Discuss mistakes, but make sure there is no finger-pointing on anyone’s part. Tearing a relationship apart takes two people, just like building one up.
Probably the most important part is making sure you both get your side of the story out in the open. If one person does all the talking nothing will get resolved.
Ask For a Second Chance and Give Them Some Space
The whole point of this meeting is to get back with your ex. You should make it very clear that becoming a couple again is your intention and that you are willing to work to make that happen. This way there is no doubt in their mind about what you want.
But then you need to give them some room. If you pressure your ex for an answer they will probably just say ‘no.’ End your meeting on a good note and let them think things over. This will put you in a good light and they are more likely to give you another chance. The best part is that this is another chance for them as well, and when you behave in a mature fashion they will see it this way.
It isn’t always easy to get back with your ex, but by being honest and taking the first step you make it much more likely that it will happen. Set up your first meeting and do your best to make your ex comfortable and happy. Don’t worry too much about anything else until this major first hurtle is gotten over.
For special circumstances with the breakup and for the best advice on getting your ex back, we highly recommend The Breakup Eraser, written by the Breakup Guru.
Advice on Breakups
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