Help! My Boyfriend is a Jerk!
By Tigress Luv, author of The Breakup Eraser
Help! My boyfriend is a jerk.
I wish I could get all the years back that I have wasted on commitment phobes and narcissists and insecure jerks and emotionally unavailable workaholics. But I have to wonder, what was it that made me need a relationship so bad that I would tolerate these jerks to begin with? Yes, jerks. Every single one. If your boyfriend is a jerk, you are not alone. Some women just seem to attract jerks.
But why, I wondered. Why is it that some of us women have just had more than our fair share of jerks?
Is it because the jerks are drawn to us because they know we will tolerate their maltreatment of us? Or are we subconsciously involving ourselves with boyfriends that are jerks because we like the battle? Do we want the ultimate challenge of overcoming their jerkiness?
Maybe we are martyrs and like the pity that we get from others when we are with a jerk? On the other hand, maybe we just do not feel like we deserve anything better than a jerk.
Maybe we pick a boyfriend that is a jerk because we subconsciously fear not being able to measure up to any man that is better than 'bad'.
Or do we have the word 'doormat' tattooed on our foreheads?
I have done some deep thinking on this subject. After all, I am attractive, I am smart, I am self-dependent. Why am I always ending up with a boyfriend that is a jerk, while all my girlfriends glorified in the doting, gallant and adoring attention of their Prince Charming? Why can I not find and date successful, well-adjusted emotionally healthy rocket scientists? I mean, I am sure I could attract them! Could it be about ego? Do I need to find a man that I feel I am socially, emotionally -- or even mentally -- more stable than in order to boost my own ego and feel superior?
The question baffled me! Why must I always find and date the jerks?
And then it hit me…
….because I instinctively enjoy 'fixing' men. Fixing someone that needs my fixing. It is all part of fulfilling my feminine nature. It is a woman thing, ya know? You fix the house up. You fix dinner. You fix a broken zipper. You fix your man. It is all part of our 'nesting' instinct.
When we 'fix' a man, we feel needed and wanted … and feeling needed and wanted makes us feel secure in our relationship. It makes us feel treasured and loved.
Robin Norwood said it well when she said, "We find the unstable man exciting, the unreliable man challenging, the unpredictable man romantic, the immature man charming, the moody man mysterious. The angry man needs our understanding. The unhappy man needs our comforting. The inadequate man needs our encouragement, and the cold man needs our warmth. But we cannot "fix" a man who is fine just as he is."
So, next time you wail, "Help! My boyfriend is a jerk!" remember that it was you who chose this 'fixer-upper'.
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